Everybody Dies, But Not Everyone Lives

The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.

My sister's birthday is today. We should be around the table, singing poorly and eating cake and taking pictures. But we're not doing any of those things, because my sister hasn't aged a day in over 7 years now. Even typing it now, it seems wrong. 7 years? No, that can't be right. But indeed it is. It has been over 7 years since Rachel left this world. 7 years of no singing, 7 years of no cake, 7 years of no pictures. It's hard to believe that much time has passed in such a hurry. I remember waking up, astonished to discover that Life, in its great apathy, had decided to go on without her. Surely Time would stop at least for a while to grieve? But it did not. It just continued marching, eyes ahead, while we were left behind to go about our own business. That was the day that I learned, not just in theory but in practice, that Life goes on. It's such a simple concept, isn't it? Life goes on. But we always, at one point or another, expect it to make an exception, just this once. It never does. It's odd how life now is, in essence, exactly the way it was before. I never saw that coming. I just knew that I would live forever with a leaden heart, heavy every hour of every day. But I have not. Life, as it is wont to do, went on. The pain has not necessarily subsided. At times, such as today, I feel it as fresh as ever, tearing again what I had so carefully mended. But I have learned that Life goes on. I miss Rachel very much. I still grieve for her. Well, really, I grieve for me. She is far better off now, there is no need to grieve for her. My grief is a selfish one, as I grieve for all the jokes I'll never hear her tell, all the smiles I'll never see her smile, all the laughs I'll never hear her laugh, all the sorrows I'll never hear her share. But Life goes on. Rachel loved Life, and she lived the one on earth as well as she knew how. In moving on, I acknowledge that she is gone for now, but I also know that she would find joy in my joys, sadness in my tears, and just maybe, laughter in my crappy jokes. She is gone, yes, but she still lingers, like after the pianist has left the room but you could swear you still hear that last note hanging in the air. As I live my life, I am experiencing things Rachel never got to experience, and going places she never went. It is odd, being older than my older sister. But today, I celebrate her Life. Not just the one I grieve for, but the one that Death has already tried and failed to steal from her. More than just her smile or her laughter, I am thankful for her (eternal) Life, and today, that is what I celebrate, for if there's one thing that Life has taught me, it's that it goes on.

Hey, how's it going? Long time, no see. Let's just pretend we're still friends, act like nothing happened, ok? So anyways, here goes. Let's start out with a little story. When I was 3 or 4ish, my dad offered me some ice cream. Being the trusting little child that I was, I eagerly accepted, took the biggest spoonful I possibly could, gobbled it up, and instantly realized something had gone amiss. Instead of the smooth, sweet vanilla flavor I had come to expect from ice cream, I was met with a harsh, sour taste...and then my dad started laughing. My poor little head couldn't quite figure anything out... eww what is this why doesn't it taste good eww why is daddy laughing this is bad can i spit it out whats going on????? It was around this point in life that I suddenly realized things are not always as they seem, and careful discernment must be used (also, that my dad and I share a sense of humor, though at the time I didn't think it was very funny. If you ever hear me voice any sort of cynical statement, blame my dad and his little joke. The world is not to be trusted). I also realized that I did not care much for sour cream. I tell you that little gem to lead into this... 
   But Jesus called them to him, saying, "Let the children come to me, and do not hinder              them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not                receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it." (Luke 18:16,17 ESV). 
I have heard people say before that there is nothing better than "a child being saved," and I agree that a young person coming to accept the love of Jesus is a beautiful, remarkable thing. However, yesterday I saw a 46-year-old woman get baptized. While I'm not generally much of a sentimentalist, I'll admit I did tear up a little get something in my eye watching it, and I'll tell you why. At the church I attend, before every baptism, the pastor reads a "statement of faith" that the new Christian has written. And yes, the statements written by second graders are adorable. They are full of "Jesus loves me, and I love Jesus" and "I prayed and felt better" and such. But this woman's statement caught me. The last sentence, in particular. "I am 46 years old... and I stand before you today, amazed and undeserving of the love of Jesus Christ." See, for a child, it is easy. You tell a child something, and they believe you. But this woman is no child. She has lived life. She doesn't have to be told that it's not all ice cream out there. She knows life is hard, and she knows that prayer isn't a magic trick, and she knows what it's like to have dreams and doubts and joy and trouble and ecstasy and pain and love and heartbreak. And she knows what it's like to feel and accept grace. She has seen and felt the hardships and pleasures of the world, and she has decided that the love of Christ is better than any of it. She has overcome 46 years of mistrust and insecurity to come like a child, arms open wide to accept the love of Christ. And that is one of the more remarkable things I have ever seen. 


p.s. - not too long ago, I gave one of my sisters Biofreeze (think IcyHot) and told her it was roll-on deodorant. And I have to admit, standing on this side of things, it was pretty darn funny.

Eat mor hate

Though I generally try to avoid being serious at all costs, humor me for a moment here. No, not that sort of humor. There will be none of that today. And besides, that joke is so old. Today is all serious. Sort of. Maybe not entirely. But I digress. In order to progress. So, there's this little company called Chik-fil-A that makes the greatest chicken sandwiches in the known universe (and, more than likely, in all the unknown universes as well). There's a situation, I won't waste my time explaining, I'll just assume you know (you know what they say happens when you assume, but I can safely assume that won't happen here). (I love parentheses). Anyways, the 2 most common words I've heard/read to define CEO Dan Cathy are "hate-monger" and "homophobe." This is the issue I wish to address. Stay with me here for a minute - let's assume I'm taking a written test in school. I'm expected to correctly answer the questions asked, right? So how do i know what the answers are? Easy - I know what is correct based on an objective reality (i.e. textbook,lecture notes). If the textbook says it, it's correct. Now, if I take a test and answer questions incorrectly, do I accuse the teacher of being a hate-monger? How dare he/she (we must be politically correct and gender neutral, you know) tell me I'm wrong for answering with what I thought was correct?!? Am I not entitled to believe what I will? This teacher hates everyone who believes that electrons have a positive charge!!! Now, I think we would all agree that accusation would be absurd. Electrons do not have a positive charge, and anyone who believes they do is flat-out wrong. The teacher probably has nothing against them personally, they're just not right. Now, let's transfer this thought into the current Chik-fil-A situation, as well as all the times Christians are referred to as judgmental, which is quite often. Though the current issue is homosexuality, it can be applied to anything the Bible takes a stance on. If Dan Cathy (or anyone who claims to be a follower of Christ) states that homosexuality is wrong, where is he getting that idea? Is it because he's straight and gay people creep him out? Is it because he's already got his marriage rights locked down, and he's so elitist he wants to deny that right to anyone fighting for it? No, it clearly must be because he's terrified gay people will take over the world with their flamboyant pants and their techno glitter parties (take a joke, people). Sadly, these ideas do not seem absurd to many people, as I intended them to be. This is actually what people think is going through Dan Cathy's head. However, his beliefs are actually based on one thing he believes to be objective reality - the Bible. Now, I am not here to convince you that the Bible is an objective reality (though I believe it is), or to explain to you why I agree with Mr. Cathy (I do), but to explain one simple fact - calling a person a homophobe and a hate-monger and judgmental for their belief in an objective reality is, quite frankly, hateful and judgmental. Mr. Cathy, in essence, stated that electrons have a negative charge. The textbook says so. Why is it any less absurd to claim hate from him than it is to claim hate from the teacher with the red pen?

A Jabberwock? Really?

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!"
- or something to that effect.
I half-listened to the cautions
he would always interject.


The old man, I'm sure, is senile -
a bit paranoid, you see.
Always shouting of the horrors
that would somehow befall me.


Today, it's the Jabberwock that has
some evil plan to hatch.
Last week it was a JooJoo bird,
or some frumious Sanderbatch.


The old man's claims didn't scare me;
a man in the prime of my youth.
That these creatures even existed
there wasn't a shred of proof.


Besides, he didn't understand
the power of the vorpal sword -
with the hilt of it in my hand,
foes were nothing but a bore.


So off I went in search of food,
walking easily as could be.
I set the snares then sat to think
beneath the Tumtum tree.


Suddenly a horrendous burbling
came crashing through the woods.
I'd never heard anything like it,
but I knew it couldn't be good.


Eyes of fire! Claws of steel!
House-sized leather wings!
My heart pounded as I pondered
the challenge he would bring.


I feinted right, he called my bluff
and caught me on the shoulder.
The pain, far from holding me back,
served only to make me bolder.


No greater foe have I ever fought,
each time I slashed he came right back -
until, with a final effort,
my blade went snicker-snack!


The beast was dead, I had his head
held proudly in my hand - 
never again will I fail to heed
the warnings of that wise old man.

Back from my sabbatical

I've had way too much free time to write the past 8 months or so. I'm not sure why it works like that. I suppose it's because when I'm really busy I usually have a lot on my mind, and writing (typing) gets some of it out. When I have this much free time, I generally have nothing on my mind except food, and when I do have something on my mind, I go into the "I'll write about it after this Walker, Texas Ranger marathon is over" zone. Needless to say,... well, I'm not gonna say it. It was needless. You know. I really have nothing of substance to go into this post, except expect (say that five times fast) more posts, as I will soon have much less free time. Very soon I will be going back to class (apparently it wasn't done with me), working (hopefully - applications have been sent out), finding a home church (an exciting and overwhelming proposition), and many other currently unknown things (if those applications pay off, I'll probably be sailing on my yacht bought with part-time, minimum wage pay). The only thing you really need to know right now is I'm pretty amped. I really am. For the first time ever, I have a clear and definite direction in life, even if it does involve, you know, 37 more years of school. Also, I just sort of realized I've lived at home for what appears to be the last time ever. Sure, I'll be close, and chances are good that I'll spend some nights there, but 6000 Shelley Drive can no longer be listed as my permanent home address. It's sad, and it's happy, and it's encouraging, and it's terrifying, and it's surreal, and it's been a long time coming, and it's come way too fast, but above all, it's peace-bringing. And it's time. This is my next step. My whole life, I've been walking down (or up, don't look too much into the direction) a dark staircase, with no clue where the next step is, or if there's even one there. I've just been stepping and praying that my foot will land on something solid, and it always has. But now, I know where the next step is. True, I can only see one step, but one step is one more than I usually see. Anyways, enough with the metaphor. I'm gonna go have some coffee.

Tiny Tim Turner

Tiny Tim Turner was quite a quick learner,

he learned many things with great ease.

He learned how to count, how to spell, how to read,

he learned to say "thank you" and "please."

With all the many things that tiny Tim knew,

he always got straight A's in school;

But now Tim was sad, for the other kids said

that getting straight A's wasn't cool.

English and history, science and math -

those questions, he answered them all.

The only thing in school he didn't do well

was the dreaded game of Dodgeball.

It was quite plain to see, when they went to P.E.

Tim wasn't the head of the class.

Nobody wanted him on their team,

and so he was always picked last.

Tim wished he were good at games such as these,

but clearly that wasn't the case.

Every day in the gym, they threw the ball at him,

and laughed when it bounced off his face.

So it came to pass that one day in class,

there rang that unwelcome bell.

Tim gathered his things and went to the nurse,

to say he didn't feel well.

The nurse said to Tim, "Oh, not you again!

You're not sick, get out of my room."

Tim gave a great sigh, and to himself cried,

"She's sending me back to my doom."

When Tim got back, the teams had been picked

and the game already begun.

Tim picked a side, and stood back to hide,

and just knew this wouldn't be fun.

Left! and Right! and Up! and Down!

Back and forth he fled.

Dipping and diving and ducking and dodging,

avoiding the blurs of red.

After a while Tim looked up,

and suddenly came to see

that three were left on the other team

and on his team, was only he.

Tim couldn't believe what had happened,

he finally got his big chance.

Then three dodgeballs came flying at him,

and awoke him out of his trance.

What happened next was incredible;

they had said it couldn't be done.

One ball in each arm, and one in between -

all caught, and Tim had won!

The yells rang out throughout the whole school,

Tim's moment had finally come.

His teammates cheered and high-fived him

until his whole hand was numb.

They still tell the tale of Tim's victory

to this very day at that school.

They tell all the kids of what tiny Tim did,

and how being smart can be cool.

Southern Weather

I love the weather like this. It's a bit drizzly, but it's been pouring for a couple days. So, it's post-torrent, but not sunny yet. I love it. It always reminds me of something. I'm not sure what it reminds me of. But it reminds me of something. To be quite honest with you, I'm not even sure it reminds me of a real thing. I could make something up, maybe. Say it reminds me of sometime in my childhood. As a kid, I would love days like this because the creek near my house would flood and my friend and I would float all the way through the woods in the flooded stream. Every time it would start raining I would sit and hope for enough rain to flood the creek. But that's not what these days remind me of. I mean, they do, in the sense that I can think back and remember floating down the creek. But not in the way that I am reminded of something else. It's like on days like this, I can just look up at the sky and think to myself, "I've been here before." Not here, as in whatever physical location I happen to be at that moment. Just - here. I can look up into the gray mist, and the mist in the air clears the mist in my head. What sunshine does for some people, cool and overcast days do for me. Suddenly, I realize I've been here before. I don't really know what that means. But I mean it. You can take that pretty much however you want. I'm not gonna look too far into it. I'm just going to enjoy it while I can. You know what they say..... the sun'll come out, tomorrow.